Patterns of Self-Betrayal

The subversive patterns of our lives elude us! We look directly at them and miss the contingency of their blatant meaning and form. We seek everywhere for answers, interpretations, resolutions and recourse. Anyplace, other than where we currently reside. We stumble, we fret, we worry, we complain. We imagine all sorts of things in the meantime, never once paying subservient attention to the obvious clues staring us ‘smack dab in the face.’ Why? Because we don’t want to see what’s there. We don’t want to resolve the so-called problems that make up our cherished dilemmas. Why? Because we don’t really want anything to change. We have grown so accustomed to our self-inflicted misery and delusional projected pain; we don’t’ want to turn it loose.

Try as we might, we can not talk long enough or bitch loud enough to convince ourselves that we are being treated unfairly. No matter what elaborate lengths we will go to in the process of our defense, when the ‘mule comes back to the barn’, not one little crumb of our life is disturbed. We berate the other with belittling sarcastic remarks; cause all sorts of chaos and confusion simply because we don’t know what we want to do with ourselves. We don’t have a single hint of who we are, much less what we are saying. We blame the one facing us for our own deluge of despondent despair.

It’s a desperate degrading pit to be swallowed up in and most especially for the unsuspecting partner . The belligerent attitude, the uncomely character, the unforgiving mouth merely sets the stage for the onslaught of guilt and regret to envelope our minds. We don’t know how to be still. Get Quiet. Stop yelling long enough to see: “there’s nothing really wrong.” Everything is perfect for the moment. But, we don’t want to hear those words! Our minds are filled with enough accusations and slander to fill the Grand Canyon and then some. We need to give it a rest. That old horse has been ridden one too many times and put away wet to the point of cruelty.

The trouble lies in the fact we can’t resolve our own vagrantly misguided feelings. We say we want one thing and before the order can be delivered we have changed our minds. We are constantly ‘on guard’ looking for reasons to lash out. Our moods abruptly shift , and without warning, we decide on another store to shop or restaurant to eat. We say we want undivided attention and yet we turn around and declare “we’re being suffocated.” We’re bored to death and expect our partners to entertain us! What’s the deal?

Bottom line: our soul is clearly speaking to us through all of the mal-aligned falsely interpreted signs. We are genuinely content in our state of affairs. “Nothing could be any different than what it is. We are exactly where we are supposed to be for reasons we can’t see.” Not only is there no place to run and hide; there’s no reason to try. This is as good as it gets. The best show in town is playing at our house and we’re the producer, director and star. Not one single soul is doing us wrong, cheating, lying, abandoning or rejecting us. {In fact, no one ever has.} We’d like to think that because we want to believe we’re so ‘special.’ But, whoever told us we were special, was grossly misinformed.

Plesiotrygon iwamae is a freshwater stingray, commonly known as the Antenna Ray, they are the only member of the genus Pleisotrygon. They belong to the family Potamotrygonidae and to the class Elasmobranchii, which is what sharks belong to. They get to about 22 inches in length, this does not include the tail. Their distributionis the upper to lower Amazon River basin, from Ecuador to Belém, Brazil, in the Napo, Solimões, Amazonas and Pará rivers.

Antenna rays have smaller mouths than most other rays. Because of this, they feed on black worms, or tubifex worms. When young (under 10 inches) this species has trouble eating even the smallest night crawlers so blood worms would be better. Larger specimens will eat earth worms, chopped squid or even small feeder fish. The tail of the Antenna ray is really delicate and a newly imported specimen with a damaged tail is more likely to die. If its a small injury towards the end of the tail there are good chances it will heal but if it’s near the base of the tail, it rarely heals and eventually falls off; once this happens, the ray will die. The cause of the death will probably be due to a bacterial infection entering the blood stream through the broken tail.

Such injuries usually happen in transit but in the aquarium are also likely to happen. Intake tubes or powerheads are often the cause but netting the fish is also dangerous for them, since the tail can get stuck in the net.

This group is best kept in a tank without ornamentation, bulky equipment or other fish. Gravel substrates are OK for this species but young ones should be kept in bare-bottom tanks to make feeding easier.

There is a type of Antenna Ray called a “Black Tailed Antenna Ray”. This type seems to be less sensitive to tail injuries than the common antenna ray. This is the only species of Freshwater Stingray that commonly rests with its disc margin elevated off the substrate when in good health. (Do not confuse with “death curl”).

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